My friend, Diana Quintero, created this poster from a photo of a NY art gallery and a photo of my family -- when I was about 5. I love the mixing of the mediums -- and more importantly, her story of why she choose this photo of mine. When asked to create a mixed medium, Diana immediately thought of my family. This photo of us is actually years before we evolved to become truly a multi-racial, multi-ethic family.

Today, I attended my first TEDxNYC talk. (TED, for those who don't know, is a private, non-profit foundation that is best known for it's conferences devoted to what it calls "ideas worth spreading."  TED  is short for Technology, Entertainment, Design.)

At this week's meetup, we watched Natalie Merchant's TED talk -- well, really a performance of her latest record -- Leave Your Sleep.  I didn't include her TED talk here but you can watch it at this link because the performance is long and contains other songs.  

Instead I wanted to focus on this song -- If No One Ever Marries Me -- which was taken from a poem written by Laurence Alma-Tadema, the daughter of artist Laurence Alma-Tadema (yes, they had the same name) when she was 18 years old in 1880 or so.  

I am struck by her opening lines and her acknowledgement that marriage isn't in the cards for her.  She is not unhappy with her fate and she has a game plan that leaves her quite content, at a ripe old age of 28, with a cottage near the wood, a pony and a lame and a daughter all her own.  And, I wonder, to what extent the women's movement -- which worldwide had some notable successes and visibility -- influenced her independence.  Or, was she supernaturally mature?

Here are the words to the poem, if you can't make out all of Natalie's lyrics.

“If no one ever marries me”

BY LAURENCE ALMA-TADEMA

And bring her up as mine. 

There is something about spring, when the bulbs have pushed through, that floods me with possibilities and optimism. I wish the season would last forever.

Today's Huffington Post is carrying a story about Obama's efforts to fight the 'boys club' image of his administration.  For context, Obama, an avid sports fan, routinely plays basketball and golf with his male staffers.  The women staffers have not been included in the games -- nor do they want to be.  And, it's not just the games, Obama's visual staffers -- with the exception of Valerie Jarrett -- are all male.  So, concerned about the charges, Obama held a women's only dinner -- way back in November of 2009 -- to discuss these charges with the women.  

No one is truly disclosing -- nor should they -- what was discussed at that dinner but the upshot is there has not been another dinner for women staffers with Obama present; only Ms. Jarrett has presided.  I am sure that this networking for the women is terrific; I enjoy my own women's only professional networks.  But, it is my co-ed networks that have helped me land jobs, speaking and writing opportunities, and consulting assignments.  Even beyond those networks, it is the non-professional bonding that has been the greatest asset -- and something that professional women are often denied access to.  And the excuse often given for denying or withholding access to these professional opportunities is that women are not interested or that "the boys just want to hang out."  But, to me, these excuses sound like the same excuses that were given for excluding black men from white men's gatherings at private whites only clubs.

And, for a President who promised change, it is a huge disappointment. Surely, he can do better.

Tonight, when Avatar creator and director James Cameron takes the stage to accept an Oscar -- as I am certain he will at least once -- he has the opportunity to start a much needed public conversation on disabilities. This conversation has the ability to both educate and spur inclusion and innovation. For those who don't know, Avatar is the story of a paraplegic marine (played by Sam Worthington) who is sent on a mission to a Pandora, a lush sci-fi Eden. In an interview with Fresh Air's Terry Gross, Cameron noted, "there has been almost zero" chatter about "the fact you have ... a major action movie where the main character is disabled."

Of course, Cameron is right. There has been very little chatter - beyond the blogs targeting the disabled population. As a society, we have a de facto "don't ask, don't tell" disability policy. As children we are taught that it is impolite to look at, ask questions or acknowledge a person's disability for fear we will hurt their feelings or make them feel uncomfortable. So, we don't talk or look - at all. That silence and avoidance is worse than any hurt feelings or discomfort; it sidelines people with disabilities from social, economic and artistic opportunities.

Admittedly, I have taken advantage of this de facto "don't ask, don't tell" policy. Stricken with childhood polio, I developed strategies to minimize movements, to focus attention on what I had to say and away from my disability. It usually takes people more than one meeting to realize that I have a limp; that stairs are my nemesis; that if you walk too closely on my right side, my leg might hit you as its swings out, compensating for damaged muscles that cannot raise, bend or flex my knee in a straight line.

But, this silence has hindered myself and society from educating a broader audience on the challenges of being disabled. It has hindered us from inclusion. It has hindered us from investing in innovative solutions. And, it has relegated many of us to a different class: willing but unable to find meaningful work, socially overlooked, or physically barred from activities or places. It is why the disabled have lower rates of participation in the workforce, higher levels of unemployment, poverty and depression.

Which brings me back to James Cameron and Avatar. Cameron first had the idea for Avatar almost a decade ago but the technology wasn't available to make the film as he envisioned. He could have shelved the project permanently but he didn't. Instead, he talked about it, he asked questions and he sought answers. And, he invested in the innovations that enabled his film to come to life.

Now imagine if we did that for people with disabilities. If we started the conversation. If we identified the challenges and issues. If we invested in innovative solutions. What could we accomplish? Years ago, Aimee Mullins, a paralympic athlete, model and actress, challenged the design world to marry science and art to create beautiful, functional prosthetic legs. And, they responded. She now has 12 sets of legs. Stunning, functional legs. Legs that may never have been developed if people didn't ask and Aimee didn't talk about her disability or her needs. So, Mr. Cameron, do something about the lack of chatter. Start it. You have the stage. Break our own version of "don't ask, don't tell." Share your story of creating a solution. Encourage the audience and your Hollywood counterparts to be part of the conversation. Talk to us. Look at us. Ask questions. And, then, let's innovate, invest and include.